Managing Conflicts

Last week I read a newspaper report about a man who managed a conflict in his village. The high caste people drove his wife away when she went to draw water from the village well. So this man was determined that he wanted to make sure that this humiliation doesn't happen again. His wife should not be at the mercy of others just because she is from a lower caste. So, he went to the nearby town and bought all the equipment (pick-axe, shovel, etc) for digging a well. The following day on for 41 days he started digging in his  backyard. He had to work as a daily wage labourer to earn his living. So, he put in two hours before going to work and two hours after the work digging his well. Finally on the 41st day, to the amazement of his neighbours who laughed at his project and even his wife he struck water. He has his own well! That is how this guy avoided a conflict and kept his dignity. 

Conflicts happen every day. It may be over houses, water taps, etc. What is important is how we manage the conflicts. An incident from the life of the Bible character Abraham illustrates various important aspects of managing conflicts. In the olden days, shepherds in the dry and arid lands of the Middle East had to depend on rain water stored in small underground tanks or wells with springs. Water was precious. Now as the sheep of Abraham and his nephew Lot grew in numbers, a conflict arose over the rights of wells and pasture lands. Lot's shepherds started fights with the workers of Abraham.
No fight is ever good. So, Abraham called his nephew Lot and put forth a suggestion that they should not stay together, it is time to part. However, the only question was how do they divide the land before them. There is another conflict in the offing, they can argue about it or fight over it. But Abraham left the choice to Lot. He was allowed to make his choice and Abraham decided to move to the place that Lot didn't want to. Evidently, Lot chose the best pasture lands with their abundant supply of water and greenery. Abraham moved away to lands that were not so attractive.

The story goes on to tell us that the place that Lot chose was destroyed by fire and Lot had to leave all his possessions behind. He had to run to the safety of the mountains with his unmarried daughters. He also lost his wife in the run to safety. However, Abraham continued to prosper.

Abraham made that rather disadvantageous choice because he put peace before prosperity. He was willing to be a loser for the sake of peace. He could do that because he believed that he is in the hands of an almighty God. Abraham had moved out of Haran (in the present-day Turkey) to wander about through what is now Lebanon, Syria, Israel, Palestine and Egypt as God led him. No arid place will be arid if God is with him.

He may appear to be a loser, but he was not. Rest of Abraham's journey was not merely looking for pasture for his sheep. He made every step in faith claiming the land for his descendants to come. These descendants are the present Israeli's and Arabs. They came to possess the land as Abraham moved on with a promise of God. We read about it in Genesis 13:17. It happened after Abraham chose to be a loser for the sake of peace and his faith in God. God appeared to him to tell him: ‘Arise, walk through the length and the breadth of the land, for I will give it to you’ (Gen 13:17 ESV). Lot made the 'wise' choice of greener pastures but it lasted only for a few years before they all went up in smoke. But Abraham decided to wander about through not so green land but God compensated for the apparent losses he suffered for the sake of peace. The story of Abraham once again assures us that those who stand for peace are not ultimately losers since God is on their side. That is why the Bible says, 'blessed are the peace-makers.'

The Ancient Art of Hiding

Hiding is the second oldest sin in the history of the world ̧a sin that is the consequence of the first one ̧disobedience.
Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating the fruit that they were not allowed to eat. Before eating that they were naked but were not ashamed of their nakedness (Gen 2:25). When they disobeyed God by eating the fruit that God forbade them to eat they realised their nakedness and were ashamed of it. The Bible says,
Then the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked. And they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loincloths. (Gen 2:7̆ ESV).
Shame was a consequence of the sin of disobedience. We go into hiding as Adam and Eve did because we are ashamed of our disobedience. In this case of Adam and Eve they tried to hide their nakedness from each other. They never had to do that before they committed sin. Before sinning they were naked but were not ashamed; but after sin they did not become naked but were ashamed of their nakedness. They never had to hide their private parts from each other since they were not ashamed of it. Sin brought shame into the life of humans so ̧they started hiding from each other.
This act of making something to cover their nakedness with fig-leaves is symbolic of human attempt to hide our shame from each other. This act of hiding from each other is a game that the descendants of Adam and Eve (including you and me) have perfected over the years. This explains why spouses hide many aspects of their lives from each other. Many marriages wreck because spouses play this game until the inevitable happens. Parents hide their lives from their children by hiding behind an ideal past that they never had. Children hide their lives from parents too by pretending to be what they are not yet. Many pastors have hidden their shameful lives from their congregation and when they had to come out of their hiding ̧ their marriages are broken, children are shattered, and congregation fall apart.
Sin produces shame ̧shame sends us to hiding, and hiding makes us continue in sin. This chain has to be broken.
Humans not only hide from each other but from God too. That is the second act in the drama of hiding. The write of Genesis tells us that
And they heard the sound of the LORD God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the LORD God among the trees of the garden. (Gen 3:8 ESV).
What they hid from each other is their shame but from God they tried to hide themselves. Why do people deny God? I have often found that most people who deny God have no philosophical justifications except their own sense of guilt. Their way of dealing with sin is to deny that God doesn't exist or doesn't matter. This is vividly protrayed in Psalm 14/53.
The fool says in his heart, 'There is no God.' They are corrupt, they do abominable deeds, there is none who does good. (Ṗsa 14:1 ESV).
'Saying in his heart' is an attempt to convince oneself. The two sentences of the above verse are connected as a bridge that has two-way traffic. The denial of God is the result of their corruption, at the same time it is the denial that leads to corruption as well.
God is merciful and kind ̧but he can deal with our shame only if we can come out of our hiding into the open. When we come out to the open then he deals with our sins. In the case of Adam and Eve, he points out that the human attempt to hide from each other is inadequate. However ̧there is a divine solution which involves a sacrifice. The writer of Genesis only knew that the solution to the human problem is a sacrifice of an animal. Many Christian interpreters see here an indication of Christ's sacrifice on the cross.
God demands us to admit what has gone wrong in our lives. This is what God did when he called out to Adam ̧'Where are you?' God knew where he was and what he has done but by this God was demanding an admission from Adam. God want Adam to acknowledge what he has done and thus come out of his moral hiding.