Managing Conflicts

Last week I read a newspaper report about a man who managed a conflict in his village. The high caste people drove his wife away when she went to draw water from the village well. So this man was determined that he wanted to make sure that this humiliation doesn't happen again. His wife should not be at the mercy of others just because she is from a lower caste. So, he went to the nearby town and bought all the equipment (pick-axe, shovel, etc) for digging a well. The following day on for 41 days he started digging in his  backyard. He had to work as a daily wage labourer to earn his living. So, he put in two hours before going to work and two hours after the work digging his well. Finally on the 41st day, to the amazement of his neighbours who laughed at his project and even his wife he struck water. He has his own well! That is how this guy avoided a conflict and kept his dignity. 

Conflicts happen every day. It may be over houses, water taps, etc. What is important is how we manage the conflicts. An incident from the life of the Bible character Abraham illustrates various important aspects of managing conflicts. In the olden days, shepherds in the dry and arid lands of the Middle East had to depend on rain water stored in small underground tanks or wells with springs. Water was precious. Now as the sheep of Abraham and his nephew Lot grew in numbers, a conflict arose over the rights of wells and pasture lands. Lot's shepherds started fights with the workers of Abraham.
No fight is ever good. So, Abraham called his nephew Lot and put forth a suggestion that they should not stay together, it is time to part. However, the only question was how do they divide the land before them. There is another conflict in the offing, they can argue about it or fight over it. But Abraham left the choice to Lot. He was allowed to make his choice and Abraham decided to move to the place that Lot didn't want to. Evidently, Lot chose the best pasture lands with their abundant supply of water and greenery. Abraham moved away to lands that were not so attractive.

The story goes on to tell us that the place that Lot chose was destroyed by fire and Lot had to leave all his possessions behind. He had to run to the safety of the mountains with his unmarried daughters. He also lost his wife in the run to safety. However, Abraham continued to prosper.

Abraham made that rather disadvantageous choice because he put peace before prosperity. He was willing to be a loser for the sake of peace. He could do that because he believed that he is in the hands of an almighty God. Abraham had moved out of Haran (in the present-day Turkey) to wander about through what is now Lebanon, Syria, Israel, Palestine and Egypt as God led him. No arid place will be arid if God is with him.

He may appear to be a loser, but he was not. Rest of Abraham's journey was not merely looking for pasture for his sheep. He made every step in faith claiming the land for his descendants to come. These descendants are the present Israeli's and Arabs. They came to possess the land as Abraham moved on with a promise of God. We read about it in Genesis 13:17. It happened after Abraham chose to be a loser for the sake of peace and his faith in God. God appeared to him to tell him: ‘Arise, walk through the length and the breadth of the land, for I will give it to you’ (Gen 13:17 ESV). Lot made the 'wise' choice of greener pastures but it lasted only for a few years before they all went up in smoke. But Abraham decided to wander about through not so green land but God compensated for the apparent losses he suffered for the sake of peace. The story of Abraham once again assures us that those who stand for peace are not ultimately losers since God is on their side. That is why the Bible says, 'blessed are the peace-makers.'

The Penchant for Truth

When Jesus said, "Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free" (John 8:32) he was talking about himself who is the way, the truth and the life. However, it was based on a larger principle that God expects us to be seekers of truth. God expects us to be truthful as well. As the debate with his opponents progressed Jesus made a frontal attack on the devil and all those who model devil in their behaviour: "You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father's desire. He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies. Yet because I tell the truth, you do not believe me! (John 8:44). What characterizes those who follow Jesus and those who follow Devil? Those who follow Jesus have a penchant for truth while the opposite camp has a penchant for lies.

This is an observation I made recently while studying how conflicts, differences of opinions and crises are dealt with in Christian communities. It seems that there is a quest for "peace" at the expense of truth and I strongly feel that this is not what Jesus would do.

Let us consider a hypothetical case. Two Christian believers have a problem involving money. Mr A claims that Mr B owes him some money which B denies. Revd C (could be their pastor or friend) gets involved as a mediator to resolve this problem. C is kind and a lover of peace. He would like to resolve this difference between the two Christian brothers as quickly as possible with as less damage as possible. So he offers A the sum of money he claims B owes him. C is willing to part with that amount for the sake of peace. This sort of problem solving gets a great round of applause from all of us. Looks great! Peace and sacrifice, love for brothers all that are involved here. However, I strongly feel in the light of the Word of God that that is not the right way to resolve this problem. What is lacking in this approach is the penchant for truth which is the hallmark of Christian believers.

There is another way of solving this crisis. Revd C seeks to establish if B really owes A any money or if A is making a false claim. If it is a false claim then rebuke A in a Christian spirit. However, if A is right and if B is not willing or unable to pay the amount of money that he owes A, then C as a lover of peace and willing to sacrifice can offer that money to A. In this scenario there is peace, sacrifice, love as well as truth.

Many times crises in Christian communities are solved without any concern for truth. We hush up, demand silence from those who are crying out for justice and to be heard just because we do not have the penchant for truth. We think establishing truth could be painful and may cause problems. So we don't venture in to it but circumvent the truth. This only helps to breed lies as we provide cover for them. Exposing lies in the process of seeking truth could be inconvenient and sometimes painful. But we need to take that pain and inconvenience for the sake of truth. It is this lack of penchant for truth that has made our churches and organizations to make "lie our refuge and falsehood our hiding place" (Isaiah 28:15).

Paulson Pulikottil Ph. D. is Professor of Old Testament at Union Biblical Seminary, Pune, India and Pastor of the COMMUNITY OF THE REDEEMED (CORe) a Full Gospel Church in Pune, India.